Unclutter Your Soul
Spring is gradually being siphoned out of the air, and the sights and sounds of summer are upon us. Children squeal with delight as they revel in boundless joy. Families gather for jokes, games, and delectable meals marinated in aromatic love.
The scent of freshly cut grass drifts throughout the horizon. Sunscreen and sundresses are in high demand. Vibrant playlists reverberate while music lovers swoon to sonorous waves. And we’ve all been waiting to enthusiastically belt out the lyrics to that iconic theme song, “Summer, summer, summertiiiime!”
We are shedding the blooming season, casting it into a disheveled mental compartment until its rotation returns. But first, I’d like to extend an invitation to you. It’s a timeless ritual that should accompany us into this highly anticipated, sweltering rite of passage.
Two words: Spring cleaning.
I’m not talking about external spaces; I’m asking you to unclutter your soul.
In June 2021, I was on a full-fledged cleaning spree in my condo. Everyone who knows me personally will say that I’m very serious about living in a pristine space. While meandering through various rooms, I was streaming the homegoing service of someone whom I’d never met. She was a 39-year-old extraordinary singer and graduate student. Her sudden death evoked countless tributes throughout my social media feeds. Strangely, her shocking transition jolted me into a state of deep reflection.
I gently placed the broom against the kitchen wall, sat at the dining room table, and released an exasperated sigh. Her memorial service inadvertently became the soundtrack of my internal conflict.
I was meticulously rummaging through my mental rolodex. The remnants were full of people I had known since my earliest education years through college, within the church world and broadly across the corporate sphere. So many individuals were occupying space in my heart that I barely held a chamber in reserve for myself.
I was having a moment.
The deep-rooted agitation sitting in my core was the offspring of softened boundaries with myself. I had subconsciously yielded to an exclusive dialogue that forbade me from actively purging expired relationships. Things become cluttered when they are not operating according to their original intent. My emotional mélange had morphed into a coping mechanism for trauma. Relational clutter is usually centered around a particular guiding principle with various subsections that all create a pattern.
I had already made significant strides in overcoming codependency. However, the melancholy tone of the day caused a surge of introspection, and unexpectedly lifted the veil from my eyes.
Leveling up happens over an entire lifespan, not in a marathon of therapy sessions or self-help book discussions. It takes a concerted effort with copious amounts of vulnerability.
My first plan of action was asking God to provide a blueprint for how to unclutter my soul. This list is neither exhaustive nor inclusive of my confidential methodologies. However, it may serve as an incredible catalyst for you.
Be honest with yourself
I had a bad habit of believing that I could change other people’s behaviors towards me, even when their conduct was painted with broad, self-sabotaging brush strokes. I was drawn to emotionally unavailable individuals, and I carried a false burden of attachment based on their expressed “needs”. A very poignant truth emerged in my spirit: Dysfunction is no respecter of persons. When dysfunction is the anchor of someone’s life, they subliminally make a covenant with their trauma under the guise of “that’s just who I am”. Understand this: people will change at their own pace. It’s not personal; it’s proximity. So, if they are hurting, they will inflict pain onto you. I had to free myself from the unrealistic expectations to heal the brokenness in others when it existed long before I knew them. I also had to discover the fragmented chasm within me that allowed this revolving door to remain ajar.
Check your emotional texture
What was your state of mind when you formed the connection? Was it a trauma bond that forged due to shared mutual wounds? Did you connect with someone over a respective “enemy”? Were they forthright about their flaws, but you ignored logic and became emotionally invested too soon? When you speak their name, are you consumed with offense over a real or imagined (unspoken/ambiguous) relationship breach? Offense says, “I’m magnifying an incident to a level where it has the ability to shift my personal moral compass.” Search your heart and determine if that is the crux of the matter. Pay attention to the context clues. The answers to these questions will help you to measure your bandwidth and determine if it’s worth salvaging or pruning that connection.
Reset your access
I used to proudly state that I would give 110% of myself to any endeavors presented to me. That detrimental mindset contributed to a downward spiral in several areas. I’ve learned, through trial and error, that the acts of engaging in self-love and guarding your heart are not mutually exclusive. Both realities may peacefully co-exist. It is crucial to save most of yourself for yourself. Nobility is not being doled out with all access badges.
Do a digital detox
Social media has become our world’s unofficially appointed master of illusions. We are constantly drawn into a vortex of AI-filtered lives set against a backdrop of processed perfection. Comparison is an easy enticement for anyone scrolling through automated camaraderie. Curate a vibrant life offline, and start by being relentlessly confident in how you show up in this world.
BOUNDARIES!
My brilliant therapist has helped me navigate the most painstaking event of my life – my mother’s death in 2023. With the deluge of stressful memorial planning, other people’s unregulated mental health episodes, and my personal onslaught of bereavement, it was imperative to establish a peaceful synergy for myself. I discovered that I had been approaching the need to set boundaries in reverse order. Her advice was, “Boundaries start with a need. What need do you have? Create a behavior to fulfill that need. Then, determine how you will reinforce the behavior so that your need gets met. The next step is the actual boundary setting.” This enduring evolution sets the trajectory for cultivating prosperous bonds and effective conflict resolution for a lifetime.
So, book that summer trip.
Go traipsing around this extravagant world.
Indulge in the most decadent, exotic cuisine.
Just remember to pack light.
Unclutter your soul.
Imani Brooks-Wheeler is a C-Suite strategist, Speaker, and Spiritual Care Advisor & Mediator for High-Net-Worth individuals. Explore more about her powerful journey at www.ImaniBrooksWheeler.com.