Financial Healing: My Journey from Broken to Free
Can I share a secret with you? There was a time NOT long ago when I was living paycheck to paycheck — literally surviving on food stamps and public assistance. I had NOTHING, yet somehow, God blessed me to create something beautiful.
But here’s the truth: while Hope Magazine was my way to freedom in so many ways, I was still broke — broke in my finances, broke in my spirit, and still struggling to heal from past wounds.
Looking back, I realize I operated like most victims of abuse. I had been sexually abused as a child and bullied by teenagers, and those early experiences left deep scars. Without even realizing it, I became a people pleaser. I wanted to make everyone happy — my family, my community, everyone. I was terrified of abandonment and would be torn apart whenever someone left. I constantly thought it was something I did wrong. “What could I have done better?” I would ask myself over and over.
In those early days of Hope, I would do anything to get my dream out there. I wanted so badly to succeed, to prove to everyone that I could make this magazine work. I even started hiring people when I had no business doing so. I took advice from people who shouldn’t have had a say in my journey. I remember someone telling me, “If you don’t have $50,000 in debt, you’re not a real business owner.” This was coming from someone who couldn’t even buy their own groceries!
Lesson learned: Don’t take advice from anyone who isn’t willing to take risks, especially not at your expense.
It was embarrassing when I couldn’t pay the people I hired, and I should’ve just listened to my mom from the start. She always told me, “Only work with people who can meet you where you are. And right now, you’re not there yet.” The pressure was overwhelming. Christian magazines were popping up everywhere, and people started telling me, “You’re going to be the Oprah of Christian magazines!”
But little did they know, I was broker than broke.
What I realize now is that all the pressure, the struggle, and the insecurity were tied to deeper issues. I had never dealt with my abandonment trauma, and it kept showing up in my business decisions. I was trying so hard to please everyone, but I hadn’t even taken care of myself.
I thought success would heal me, but what I really needed was financial healing — and more than that, spiritual and emotional healing.
Here’s What I Learned
Don’t Please Everyone
The need to make others happy at the expense of your own well-being is rooted in trauma. You can't build a successful business or life by constantly seeking approval. You have to put yourself first — your healing, your finances, and your well-being.
Know Your Worth
I used to think that being busy and having lots of people working for me would validate my success. But I was wrong. True success is knowing your worth and working with people who respect and understand your journey.
Stop Taking Bad Advice
Be careful who you let speak into your life. Not everyone has your best interests at heart, and some people are simply projecting their own fears onto you. If someone isn’t willing to take the risks you are, don’t let them guide your path.
Listen to Wisdom
My mother knew. She always said, “Grow where you’re planted. Don’t try to do too much too soon.” I should have heeded that advice. Work with people who are on your level and build slowly. There’s no shame in being patient with your progress.
Financial Healing is Spiritual Healing
Once I started healing my finances, I realized it wasn’t just about the money — it was about how I viewed myself, my worth, and what I believed I deserved. Money is a tool, but true freedom comes when you heal the parts of yourself that have been wounded.
Here’s What I Plan to Accomplish
Build Smart, Build Strong
I’m focused on building Hope Magazine with people who understand my vision and who are willing to grow with me. No more rushing, no more trying to please everyone.
Financial Freedom
My goal is to create financial stability not just for myself, but for the people who work with me. I want to build a business where everyone feels valued and paid what they deserve.
Help Others Heal
Through Hope, I want to share my story so that others can find their own path to healing — financially, emotionally, and spiritually. I know what it’s like to feel broken, and I want to help others rebuild.
Legacy of Empowerment
I’m not here to impress anyone. My legacy will be one of empowerment, where women feel strong enough to pursue their dreams without sacrificing their well-being.
This journey wasn’t easy, but I’ve learned that healing — financial, spiritual, emotional — takes time, and it’s worth every step. If you’re struggling, know this: you don’t have to have it all together right now. Start where you are, heal, and build a future that reflects your worth.