Shine in Your Beauty & Step Out with Confidence and Grace
Growing older is a privilege I did not appreciate for many years. I wanted to stay ‘forever young’ for all the obvious reasons: the obsession of being young, the lure of beauty, and to maintain the sexy pulse of attraction from men. It’s an American obsession exemplified by the statements: ‘forty is the new thirty,’ ‘fifty is the new forty’, and ‘sixty is the new fifty.’
It’s as if we are in collective denial with a strong underlying message: youth is beauty, invaluable, and should be maintained. I’m guilty of surreptitiously participating in America’s obsession with physical beauty.
The message for Black women is stronger, often negative and sometimes paralyzing. Our facial features, hair texture, and body structure do not match the definition of American beauty. Yet, we are infected by the same beauty-obsessed disease.
Beauty in My Twenties
The perception of lacking beauty began when I was a teen-ager. I didn’t think I was pretty or cute. No one in my family complimented me in that way. Walking down the streets, men whistled at me. Young and older men would say: “You sure are pretty” or “You could be an actress.”
My eyes glazed with disbelief as I questioned, “Are they seeing the same girl I see in the mirror?”
My mother rarely gave compliments. In my early twenties, I boldly asked, “Mom, why didn’t you tell me that I am pretty?”
She looked at me with a frown. “You ain’t blind. You got eyes. Look in the mirror and you can see that you are pretty.”
The truth: I did not.
Entering my twenties and getting compliments from men opened my eyes to the woman I finally saw in the mirror. It took several years before I recognized and acknowledged my own beauty. I developed confidence, poise, and the boldness to pursue a professional career. It didn’t happen overnight. It was a process to see and embrace myself in a positive way as I continued to evolve and grow.
Middle-age came knocking
When I was in my forties, I would often say I was ten years younger and most people believed me. I fudged my age for many years.
Suddenly, the woman I saw in the mirror began to change. Still attractive with subtle changes that I ignored. Initially visible, but then blatantly visible.
I remembered the comments made growing up about women ‘going through the change.’ They were treated differently. Their beauty and purpose as a woman had little value—as if they were expired.
I refused to have an expiration date.
The dreaded M word that women are familiar with—menopause, not menstruation—had come knocking. No, it banged on my body with the force of a thunderstorm and all the related symptoms. The aftermath was not easy to accept. I wanted to run away from my mirrored reflection. I looked different.
I wanted to see the woman from twenty years ago. It took a while before I realized the reflection had changed. My self-imposed denial. I didn’t see the real me, the new me.
The reflection in the mirror was looking back with a saucy dare: accept yourself.
Embracing the new me
After some soul-searching, I realized I had to embrace the new me. Still beautiful, fierce, smart, and stylish. But I am so much more. I have a plethora of skills and years of corporate experience. My greatest accomplishment is raising two beautiful, successful daughters. Believe me, I whispered in their ears: “you are beautiful” from the moment they were born.
I know there are layers to beauty—not just the external version the world sees. Real beauty is more than skin deep. I had to remind myself of life “nuggets” I had shared with my daughters. Beauty is how you carry yourself and treat people. It’s self-acceptance and self-appreciation.
Most importantly: when you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.
Stepping out in your unique beauty
The real power of getting older is you get to define what beauty looks like to you and how you feel. You don’t need the approval of others, only what you feel inside. It’s a new kind of self-power—undefined by the outside world. What makes it even more powerful: it’s the drumbeat of your soul and the rhythm of your heart. No one can take that away from you. Own it. That’s the real power of beauty and the true power of a being a woman.
I proudly look into the mirror. I smile at what I see: beauty, wisdom, grace, and growth. I’m committed to living in the moment and embracing the next moment—and defining my own kind of beauty. I can see it and feel it! I’m stepping out in the empowering feeling of my beauty.
Robin Allen is multi-published author of women’s fiction, romance, and YA novels: It’s Complicated: A Novel; The Best Thing Yet; If I Were Your Woman; The Promise; Breeze and The Starters: Unexpected. As a freelance writer, she has have written 40+ articles for national and print publications, including Hope Magazine, Digital Flourish, Today’s Black Woman, Atlanta Woman, Black Elegance, and Diversity Careers.