A Journey of Growth: From Desperation to Empowerment
When I started Hope Magazine, my heart was in the right place. I wanted to empower women to live their best lives, to pour into them the way I poured into everyone else. I’ve always been someone who sacrifices herself to look out for others, and in many ways, that’s exactly what I did — sometimes to my own detriment.
I recently had a conversation with my mother, and we began talking about how I used to chase down money. Back when I wasn’t fully aware of my worth, I would go to the post office every single day, waiting for a check in my P.O. Box. It got to the point where the P.O. Box itself became an unnecessary expense, but I was so desperate that I waited months for checks — $250 or less — that barely kept me afloat. Looking back at that version of myself, I can’t help but cry. I remember praying to God, asking, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I so broke? What have I done?”
I wanted so badly to break free from that place of desperation. But I was stuck in a cycle — trying to pay people, borrowing money from family, getting sued, and having my name tarnished because I couldn’t pay what I owed. I was transparent with people, letting them know I didn’t have much, but still, someone once told me to ‘dumb down’ my brand because it looked too polished for someone who wasn’t making money. It hurt because, it was just me, funding everything on my own.
I can only imagine how that chipped away at my spirit. I often thought about others whose dreams took 10, 20, or even 30 years to come to fruition. I wondered if they were as broke, sad, and wounded as I was when they finally connected with the team they had been hoping for. Did they cry like I did when vendors wanted to partner and finally gave them what they deserved — and paid them the same day? Nobody talks about that — the struggle, the tears, the cost of being a Black small business owner with no experience, all while trying to heal from personal wounds and carry the excess baggage of your past.
But here’s the thing: I’ve come out on the other side. What feels good now is that I’m finally seen. People find me and understand my heart. They know I wasn’t a scam; I was just a woman trying to make something beautiful while battling my own storms. I’m at a point now where people partner and barter with me. They pray with and for me. They figure out how we can win together.
It’s a blessing to be at this point, and my prayer is that I don’t take it for granted. As I reflect on where I’ve been and where I am now, here are a few lessons I’ve learned along the way, and I hope they help you too.
My Suggestions for You
Know Your Worth Early
Don’t wait for others to validate you or for external signs of success to confirm your value. You are worthy of abundance right now — don’t settle for less than what you deserve. Set your standards and stick to them.
Trust the Timing of Your Journey
It’s easy to compare your progress to others and wonder why your breakthrough hasn’t come. But everyone’s journey is different. It took me years to realize that there’s no set timeline for success. Keep pushing, but trust that your time will come when it’s meant to.
Surround Yourself with People Who Understand Your Heart
It’s easy to feel alone on this journey, especially when you’re struggling. But find people who see you for who you are and what you’re building. People who will partner with you, not just for what you can do for them, but because they believe in you.
Don’t Let Desperation Dictate Your Choice
When you’re desperate, it’s easy to take any offer that comes your way. I’ve been there. But know that desperation can cloud your judgment and lead you into situations that are beneath your worth. Trust that the right opportunities will come when you’re aligned with your purpose.
Allow Yourself to Heal along the Way
Healing isn’t something you do before the work starts. It happens as you go. I was carrying so much baggage — past trauma, self-doubt, fear — but I learned that healing is a process. Don’t wait until you feel ‘ready’ to start. Start now, and let the healing happen as you grow.
Looking back, I realize how far I’ve come, and I’m grateful for every lesson learned along the way. If you’re on this journey, too, I want you to know that it’s okay to feel broken sometimes. It’s okay to cry, to question, to struggle. But don’t give up. Your worth is not defined by the struggles you face — it’s defined by how you rise through them. Keep pushing forward, and know you deserve everything you’re working toward.